Growth mindset in children is a concept 那 is becoming more popular...in schools and with parents. It is the understanding 那 the brain can grow and change versus a fixed mindset 那 is predetermined and is set in stone, no matter what you do. Basically, it is how you face challenges and set-backs.
This concept of growth mindset in children was coined by Stanford University Professor Carol Dweck. After decades of research, she discovered the ground-breaking idea of the power of mindset. She sheds light on the concept in her book, 心态：成功的新心理，并展示了心态如何极大地影响在学校，工作和生活中的成功。
Research in neuroscience has shown 那 the brain is actually even more malleable than previously thought. Your experiences can impact the connections between neurons in the brain. What does 那 mean for your adopted or foster child? It actually is good news. New neuron pathways can be made and existing ones can become stronger.
在接受采访时 大西洋组织，卡罗尔·德威克（Carol Dweck）谈到了固定观念与成长观念之间的差异。
"When students had more of a fixed mindset—the idea 那 abilities are carved in stone, 那 you have a certain amount and 那’s 那—they saw challenges as risky. They could fail, and their basic abilities would be called into question. When they hit obstacles, setbacks, or criticism, this was just more proof 那 they didn’t have the abilities 那 they cherished.
对于那些谁’ve been impacted by trauma, a fixed mindset is fairly common. They may falsely believe 那 things just happen to them, 那 they don’t have the ability or the power to change things. That what they do and how they think impacts their lives.
1. Tell your child (over and over) 那 brain can get stronger.
2. Embrace mistakes.
Mistakes are okay. In fact, 那’学习真正发生的地方。您可能听过这句话“你赢了或者你学了。”这种思维方式是可以模仿并大声说出来的。当您犯错时，谈论它并分享您学到的知识。当您的孩子犯错时，不要’t criticize. Steer the conversation to what was learned. And remind your child 那 mistakes are opportunities to learn.
在句子的末尾添加一个小单词会发送一个有力的信息。“I don’t know how to do 那”与“I don’t know how to do 那 yet.” Yet sends the message 那 I will be able to do 那 or 那 I can learn how to do 那.
4. Praise…but be specific
Instead of praising a general statement such as "you are smart" or "you did a good job", be specific. "You studied hard for your test." "You were persistent, and kept trying even when it was challenging." "You found a new way to solve the math problem." Specific praise shows 那 the effort was noticed, not just the result.
You know, walk the walk and talk the talk. Use growth mindset concepts and language in what you do and say. Our children are watching and listening, and often 那 can be the easiest way for them to learn these concepts. And..an added benefit is 那 a growth mindset is good for you too!
S.M.A.R.T. is an acronym 那 works good for goal settign S.M.A.R.T Goals are:
日志记录 可以成为成长心态的绝佳工具。我们真的很喜欢 大生活期刊。日记以及积极的肯定为学习和实践儿童成长思维方式提供了场所。
Growth mindset is a process. It doesn't just happen. It takes teaching, encouraging, and practicing. But...it is worth the effort. It can directly impact your child's learning, success, and happiness.
She and her family had just gotten back from a family gathering. In the past, her little guy would bounce off the walls at family gatherings. He ran around with his cousins, laughing loudly, and looked to be having a great time. But eventually, it would come to a halt…either with one of the cousins coming to say he wasn’t playing nice or him coming to mom having a meltdown.
妈妈’的父母和sister子对她提出了质疑。一遍又一遍。 “为什么不能’t he go play with the other kids?" "Why did he have to stay so close to 妈妈? " "You seem controlling."
妈妈 fought back the tears…until she got home.
这里’s the hard part…
sometimes WE are biggest critics. We question. We doubt. Am I the wrong parent for the job? Am I making things worse?
Have you ever felt like 那? If so…I’ll tell you what I told this 妈妈.
您做得很好！您正要在他的儿子那里遇见他’s at…and 那 is a GIFT for your child.
您的工作很棒！您正在帮助您的孩子成功…and 那 is a GIFT for your child.
YOU are doing a great job! You are the right parent for your child. You are giving your child the BEST GIFT of all…a No Matter What parent!!
P.S. - 如果你're an Adoptive or Foster Parent, come be surrounded by support on the journey getting YOUR family to happy& healthy! Click here 加入我们的CONNECT。
The 创伤的影响 on adopted children and foster children are often not the outwardly, visible ones you might expect. They often are invisible. Misunderstood. Misdiagnosed. And sometimes missed all together.
One of the most misunderstood remnants of trauma 那 adoptive and foster families talk about is rooted in real issues with memory.
Okay...so here's an instance in which you will ALL be better off (parent& child) when you can meet your child right where he is at. It all begins at the Hippocampus, the area of the brain where short-term memories are consolidated into long-term memories.
Research after research shows 那 damage to the Hippocampus can affect a person's ability to learn new information and to maintain it. When this trauma happens during childhood, it results in severe effects.
call this the 瑞士奶酪效果。 （我是一个非常视觉化的人）
It has parts 那 are 整个 and solid, but it also has 有大孔的区域。我的意思是，您可以一口瑞士语来直指您。
This visualization is a good representation of an Adopted or Foster Child's Hippocampus after having lived in trauma (remember they have all lost their primary attachment figure so 那 qualifies as trauma).
在紧张的时候，边缘系统 要求战斗或逃跑反应来帮助我们处理事情。 它使用的工具之一是Cortisol的发布。
Normally after the stressor is gone, the Cortisol would return to normal levels. However, in especially traumatic situations, excess Cortisol is released into the body. This release or flooding has negative effects on the brain, damaging the neurons in the Hippocampus...creating 那 瑞士奶酪效果。
Now, I want to specify 那 my visual for you is not literal, but figurative. The Hippocampus does not have holes in it per se; its neurons were damaged, meaning 它的功能就像瑞士奶酪。 有时神经元连接，很多时候它们不连接……好像它们不在那里。
作为父母，你 通过将赤字误解为反抗，可以增加赤字的负面和可怕的旋转，或者 您可以在他所在的地方认识他，从而停止旋转，创造治愈力，并帮助您的家人蓬勃发展.
因此，成为安全网... place 在您的孩子最能被理解，最有价值的地方， 最终转化为治愈。
Your family CAN flourish, CAN get to Happy&Healthy. It takes a shift in mindset. A new understanding. It takes INTENTION.
In CONNECT，我们的收养小组&培养父母，我们深入研究了创伤对收养和寄养儿童的影响。我们将研究它们如何看待您的孩子以及如何对待他们。 今天加入我们！
Triangulation in families can be a big road block for adoptive and foster parents. It is real. It does happen. And the good news...it can be fixed.
You and your spouse decided to become parents TOGETHER. You decided to adopt or foster TOGETHER. You started this journey as a team...作为统一战线
然后，每天的斗争开始了，成为养父母还是养父母’虽然会感觉像你。 The tools you had weren't working. The questioning of your ability to be parents played over and over in your mind. Feeling alone and hopeless a lot of the time becomes overwhelming and too common.
下一件事，您知道自己在互相指责和批评。一位伴侣经常说他们不’t even know the other anymore, while others report 那 their spouse just doesn’t get it.
当一位父母回家时, make sure you greet each other first. A quick hello or hug BEFORE you greet your child. This shows your child 那 you and your spouse are a team!
When dealing with 家庭三角剖分, remember 那 your spouse hasn't changed. While your spouse may not seem like the person he or she used to be (angry, frustrated, sad), they still are the same person. They are fighting an important, but incredibly difficult, battle. Know 那 many times hurt kids have a different relationship with every adult in their life. Studies are showing more and more 那 the adoptive or foster Primary Attachment Figure gets more of the behavioral and emotional brunt of the challenge.
Have a check in system. One parent checks in with the other before returning home to get the feel for what is going on at the moment. Start preparing to connect with the other adult so as not to allow 家庭三角剖分 to happen.
4. 移动自己的“stuff” so 那 you are not adding to the spin!
期望您的孩子可以 actually meet so 那 they can succeed. You have to do it differently.
5. 永远记得看你的“whole” child!
Don’t get caught in only“seeing”the behavior right in front of you. It's important to consider your child's emotional age as well as the 创伤的影响.
P.S. - 如果你'd like more strategies to stop 家庭三角剖分 and are ready to create a STRONG united front in your family, join us in CONNECT.
What do you do when your foster or adopted child is having a tantrum, meltdown, or flipping his lid? No matter what you call it, it can be hard to keep your 凉。是的，这是您作为父母的目标，但此刻，您的情绪可能会受到影响。
It's why we are so excited 那 this month's guest speaker in CONNECT 在教 当孩子翻转盖子时，可以控制自己的呼吸和自己， 跟一个Q& A session.
Bryan 发布, an adopted and former foster child, is one of America’s Foremost Child Behavior and Adoption Experts and founder of the 发布 Institute.
From的著名临床医生，讲师和畅销书作者 害怕爱, The Great Behavior Breakdown and ten other books, and more than 100 video and audio programs, Bryan has traveled throughout the world providing expert treatment and consultation to a variety of groups.
An internationally recognized specialist in the treatment of emotional and behavioral disturbance, Bryan specializes in a love-based treatment approach 那 focuses on developing a deeper understanding of trauma, stress and fear and how they rule our lives. He counters this by offering an enlightening perspective on the all-encompassing power of love to bring us peace and healing.
布莱恩（Bryan）提供的以爱为基础，以家庭为中心的原则和概念已经向全球20万多名父母和专业人员进行了培训。 他是 发布’s Daily Dose 每周五天的下午6:30在facebook.com/postinstitute上进行原始的Facebook现场表演。
抢占你的位置 CONNECT 因此，您可以加入我们以学习新的工具和策略，并回答您的问题。
列出您的清单并检查两次？唐’不要忘记将Stocking Stuffer Ideas添加到您的列表。零食，感官物品甚至洗护用品都使GREAT成为丝袜的填充物。
1. 思维腻子 （假日包）
Kids LOVE this…和父母也一样！出色的感官输入以及非常镇定的感觉！
5. 香味标记 （假日包）
Scented markers 那 are WASHABLE! Comes in fun, holiday scents: 糖果手杖，圣诞老人的饼干，圣诞树，李子，姜饼和烟囱
A fun sensory fidget 那 stretches from 10 inches to 8 feet. Kids can s拉伸，拉动，旋转，包裹和挤压它们。然后，它们弹回原来的形状。
A fun stocking 东东er of white playfoam to build a cute snowman (without having to go out in the cold). Includes eyes, carrot nose, arms& a mouth!
It's like combining aroma therapy with the calming fun of silly putty. 6 pack gives you the option to fill lots of stocking or have a stash ready for the next time you need a new calming tool!
15. Snow Time
The holiday season is officially here. For parents, it can be a BUSY time of year. To do lists are long, schedules are full, and expectations and anticipation can take it to a 整个 new level.
收养&寄养父母，与被收养子女或寄养孩子一起度假可能会更加复杂和富有挑战性。 Holidays often mean transitions, change in routines, increased expectations. It also can be a time when grief and loss resurface.
As at any time of year, being intentional is key. It’s about being proactive in your choices, rather than just reacting and always feeling behind the 8 ball. Being intentional includes meeting your child right where he or she is at. It’s important to take into account the child’s history, his or her emotional age, attachment style, and so on.
经常，家人和朋友不’真正了解我们作为养父母和养父母所面临的斗争。他们不’t see the hurdles 那 our adopted and foster children are trying to get over. They mean well, their intentions are good, but sometimes their comments and questions hurt. We feel judged, misunderstood, questioned. Sometimes their comments and actions get in the way of our relationships with our children. It’不是故意的。它’真的是关于不完全了解。
As Adoptive and Foster Parents, we have to advocate for our children. A LOT. Having to do it with our family and friends can often feel uncomfortable. But, if you can look at it is a way 那 your family can best support you and your child rather than going into the conversation accusatory or defensive…or avoiding it all together….everyone will be benefit.
节日庆典之前，是交流的最佳时间。通常，信件或电子邮件是一个很好的起点。让您的家人知道您的家庭庆祝活动对您意味着什么，以及您在努力给孩子一个“one and only”。此外，如果您可以向他们介绍创伤对收养和寄养儿童的影响，它也可能对某些人有帮助。我们在CONNECT中有一个视频，供成员与他们的朋友和家人分享，这样他们可以最好地支持您和您的孩子。
In addition, it adds a 整个 lot of expectations for a child. They may worry how they should react, what is expected of them, what if they are not worthy of all of it, and so on. And all of 那 increases anxiety…并经常增加行为。
如果你 have family members who buy your child gifts, suggest a gift certificate for your family for a fun activity…a favorite museum, the zoo, the movie theatre. Those often work good because it not only takes some of the expectations for the child down in the moment, it fosters spending time together as a family.
如果您的假期表看起来像我们的假期表，那么里面充满了许多美味的食物。家庭最爱，曾祖母’的特殊Cookie食谱，lefse等传统食品，通常还可以尝试一些新的食物。不过请记住，您将以意向父母身份进入这个假期。这意味着确保您拥有孩子喜欢的食物。如果旧的PB支持&J三明治是他的最爱，然后确保这是一顿饭…即使意味着要在奶奶那里吃晚饭’的房子。食物是生命的基本保证’在焦虑可能很高的时候，重要的是要让您的孩子认识您’VE got him covered!
Holidays are often steeped with traditions. From favorite recipes, to the ornaments 那 hang on the tree, to activities. Those are all great.
假期可能是让您的孩子开心的好时机’的传统（或来自他的文化或国家）。在您的菜单上包括您孩子的一些特殊美食’s country. Do some research and find some new traditions to start 那 honor your child’s story.
It's also important to make new family traditions. Sledding on the first snow fall, baking cookies on a weekend, family movie nights at home on Friday nights. Make it a time 那 is relaxing, fun, and connecting. Keep the stress low!
3. Self Care
This one seems obvious, but it is so often pushed to the bottom of the list…and sometimes off the list entirely. You are juggling a lot. You have a lot on your plate. And to be able to pour into your family as much as you want to do, it is VITAL 那 you take care of you too. So…get out your calendar. Find some time where you can do self care.
这个月 CONNECT, our 故意父母 Coaching Group for Adoptive&Foster Parents, we have a new class about Getting Your Plan for a HAPPY Holiday Season, as well as access to other classes. You’ll also get the video 如何抚养收养，寄养，监护人，血缘或继亲101 to share with your family and friends so they can best support you and your child. And as always, you’可以访问整个培训中心，并获得不可思议的部落的支持。
Join us today, click here.
Children who’ve been impacted by trauma often lack good self-regulation. In other words, they have a hard time regulating their emotions.
Teaching children about feelings is important. As parents and teachers, helping your child or students identify and understand their feelings and to manage their emotions can make a big difference in their day to day.
A child who understand their emotions is less likely to use behaviors such as tantrums and hitting to express his or her emotions.
1. Talk About Feelings
A great place to start is how someone other than your child or student is feeling. Use yourself as a learning tool.“I feel sad today because…” “I feel frustrated 那 my car won’t start.” Also, others around you can be great examples too.“That little boy looks like he feels sad 那 he has to leave the park.”
Children often are unable to identify feelings. Naming the feeling for your child can help. "It looks like you are feeling sad 那 we can’今天去公园。”
Mealtime can be a great time for discussions about feelings. Be a role model. Share a story about something 那 happened in your day and then say how you felt. As kids are ready to talk about their day and feelings, you can encourage them to do the same.
书和游戏是教孩子们感受的好工具。它们可以是很好的教学工具，也可以作为讨论的门户。我们’ve listed some of our favorites below…with affiliate links to make it easy to find them.
情感书：关怀和保持情绪 由Lynda Madison
我的感觉 by Janan Cain
感觉既不是好事也不是坏事，只是事实。孩子们需要用言语来表达自己的情感，就像他们需要用言语来表达自己世界中的所有事物一样。我的感觉方式使用了生动，生动，色彩丰富的图像以及简单的经文，以帮助孩子将单词和情感联系起来。您的孩子将学到有用的单词，并且您将有很多机会来讨论有关’在她/他的生活中持续发展。在父母，老师和心理健康专家的推荐下，The Way I Feel是对任何人的图书馆的宝贵补充。
How Do You Doodle? 埃莉斯·格雷维尔（Elise Gravel）
认识Otti，Ugga和Flibb—They like to doodle.
你如何涂鸦？ has over 40 doodle games for you to doodle, scribble, and draw out your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. You can draw or write whatever you want in this book—cute drawings, silly drawings, even ugly drawings.
您如何涂鸦？ can be used alone, or in association with a therapist or parent to help kids better realize and understand their emotional responses to situations, and to help promote better emotional health. A "Note to Parents" is included.
Everyone needs to know how to name and express feelings. Each jar holds 365 little slips printed with ";feelings words";€”gleeful, insecure, grateful, angry, cranky, courageous, hopeful, and many more. Pull a slip and act out the feeling, or invite someone else to act it out. Use as discussion starters, journaling prompts, or icebreakers for groups. Ages 8& up.
CBT 123 Version 2.0: The Hilariously Fun Game That Empowers Kids and Teens to Take Charge of Their Thoughts, Actions, and Emotions
糖果的过道。服装过道…从可爱的到可怕的 gory 那些。装饰的过道。万圣节临近。
First, we have to come to the understanding 那 Adopted and Foster Kiddos have been impacted by trauma. And children who’我受过创伤唐的影响’不能很好地控制焦虑。他们不’妥善管理过渡。他们不’不能很好地控制感觉刺激。
Throw in Halloween and all the things 那 go along with 那 and you throw TRIGGERS into the mix. Frightening triggers.
Trick or treating. Going from house to house, ringing doorbells of neighbors and strangers, on the mission to get a bag full of candy. Or if you’re like me as a kid…a pillow case full!
Now as fun as 那 may have been for you as a child, or for your kiddos not impacted by trauma, 那 is NOT the case for kiddos who have been impacted by trauma.
现在，让’s take a look at a typical Halloween with 那 lens.
Those 事情可以 触发您的孩子并发送给他或她 孩子回到生存al。更糟的是…阻碍了新大脑的连接。
What may seem obvious 那 is just pretend, is not always seen 那 way by a child who ha受到创伤的影响。
And...just like 那, the child is triggered. The child is using old brain wiring, using their survivor brain. That is what you've been working so hard to change, right?
The first couple of years after we adopted our daughters, we carried on 那 same tradition of trick or treating as I had done as a child and as we had done with our biological kids.
On the surface, my girls looked like they were having fun. But the truth was…they were being triggered. They were operating out of survival…something 那 we had been work hard to keep them out of.
We eventually realized we needed to do it differently. But we had the juggling balance of having bio kids who had experienced those traditional Halloween traditions and still wanted to do them, girls who claimed they wanted to do those activities, combined with our new knowledge of how it was impacting our girls.
Parents can really be pulled, but if you can see it as impacting your child…triggering them and sending them to survival, it just isn’t worth it..
You are called to be brave in these situations. Setting aside how you thought it would look, setting aside how everyone else is doing it, and parent by truly meeting your child right where he’s at.
That doesn't mean you have to skip the fun altogether. It means you may need to find a way 那 works for your adopted or foster child too.
Sending your child off to school doesn't have to mean a lapse in your connection with your child. It doesn't have to mean a 整个 different world without you for your child. When a STRONG parent teacher partnership is created, when parents and teachers can be on the same page, your adopted or foster child will have the best chance at success.
School can be (and should be) a place where your child feels safe. Where your child feels loved. Where your child feels capable. Schools after schools are now on the mission to become trauma informed. To become trauma sensitive.
And YOU are the expert when it comes to your child. You know what's best for your adopted or foster child. You know your child better than anyone.
Seriously. If 那 sounds blasphemous in a book for concerned parents and educators (and anyone, really, who worries about "kids these days"), then I am so glad you're here. 如果你 own a kid, work with a kid, or love a kid, you will find something inspiring in these pages. Dare I say game-changing.
During the developmental years, schools-and educators-are the most significant connection point to most every child on this continent. But are the educators okay? I believe 那 most of the great educators want to make a difference. Many tell me, however, 那 they are finding it more and more difficult "these days" to love what they do. I think it's time we did a better job of looking after them. First. Plain and simple.
We are SUPER EXCITED to announce 那 we will be going through the book together...parents and teachers...in our online book club in IMPACT （老师）和 CONNECT （收养& Foster Parents). And even more exciting…Dr. Jody Carrington, the author, will be answering our questions in a video just for our group. How great is 那?
拿起你的副本 here 与我们的特别aff链接，并加入我们 IMPACT or CONNECT 今天！更好的是...邀请您孩子的老师加入您的行列！